South Africa — “My deepest condolences” is often the first thing we say when someone loses a loved one. But across South Africa, more people are also asking what comes next: How can I actually help?
That question is increasingly being answered through practical acts of support. Friends, colleagues, neighbours and sometimes complete strangers are helping with meals, school runs, transport, household expenses and, where needed, community fundraising.
In 2026, 351 campaigns linked to bereavement, funeral support or families affected by sudden loss were launched, raising more than R5.8 million from almost 10 000 donors.
Those figures would add context to a pattern already visible in several widely supported campaigns, where people have responded to difficult circumstances by finding practical ways to ease the pressure on families.
After the Malan family’s devastating road accident, hundreds of thousands of rand were raised towards medical and rehabilitation costs, funeral expenses and immediate family needs.
In another widely supported case, thousands of people contributed to the family of MultiChoice security officer David Sejobe following his death.
The stories behind these campaigns are difficult, but the response to them is about more than grief. They show how people are turning sympathy into practical support and asking a simple question many of us have faced: what actually helps when someone is going through loss?
Start With What Would Actually Help
“Let me know if you need anything” is usually said with the best intentions, but it can still leave the person who is grieving with the responsibility of deciding what they need and asking for it.
Offering something specific can make support easier to accept. That might mean preparing a meal, helping with a school run, arranging transport, assisting with paperwork or asking whether there is one practical responsibility that can be taken off the family’s plate that week.
Financial support can also be useful where there are funeral expenses, medical bills, school costs, rent or a sudden loss of household income, but the best support is the kind that responds to what the family genuinely needs.
If You Want to Start a Fundraiser, Speak to the Family First
When friends, colleagues or neighbours want to rally around a family, a fundraiser can be one way of helping, but the family should be part of that decision from the start.
Before sharing photographs, personal information or details about the circumstances of a death, speak to the immediate family or an appropriate representative. Some families may welcome wider support, while others may prefer to keep certain details private.
Consent matters, particularly where children are involved or where the circumstances surrounding a death are sensitive.
The aim should always be to make things easier for the family, not to add another layer of pressure.
Generosity Is Bigger Than Money
Not everyone is able to donate, and some of the most useful forms of support cost very little.
Helping with groceries, collecting children from school, looking after a pet, assisting with paperwork or checking in once the first rush of messages has passed can all make a meaningful difference.
The days immediately after a loss often bring a great deal of support, while the weeks that follow can become much quieter. That is often when a simple message, a meal or an offer of practical help can mean the most.
Generosity after grief is therefore bigger than fundraising. It is about finding respectful, useful ways to show up for people when they may not know how to ask for help themselves.
“My deepest condolences” will always matter, but sometimes the most meaningful thing we can say next is:
“What can I take off your plate?”
